"I See."
Managing Difficult Conversations
Two Cups of Tea Career Consulting | Categories: Time Management, Leadership Development |
Effective communication with co-workers is an essential component of a healthy and productive work environment. Business leaders are expected to model professional behaviors; however, there are times when engaging in conversations with colleagues can drain your energy and completely derail your day. If this happens consistently (and we encourage you to monitor how often you find yourself in these scenarios) consider using the following tips to protect your time and preserve your executive presence:
1 Prepare in advance: Before engaging with any colleague, take a few moments to reflect on your goals and what you would like to achieve from the discussion. Do this even if you anticipate an easy conversation or if you'll be speaking with a close professional confidant. Building the habit will make this practice easier when you really need it. Contemplate what you want to say and the tone you would like to convey, and try to anticipate any potential objections or concerns your colleague may have.
2 Choose the right time and place: It is extremely important to choose a time and place that is conducive to having a productive conversation, particularly if you need to address a difficulty or challenge behaviors. Avoid having the conversation when either of you are rushed or under pressure, and try to find a quiet and private location where you can speak freely without interruptions.
3 Remain calm and focus on the issue: It’s quite natural to feel triggered when having a difficult conversation, but it’s important to try to remain focused on the issue at hand. Start the conversation by acknowledging how much time you will be spending together and provide a brief overview of what you will discuss to avoid getting sidetracked. If the conversation turns combative, calmly reroute the discussion to the overview and pick up from the last calm statement.
4 Ask questions and focus on finding a solution: Use “I” statements: Instead of accusing or blaming your colleague. For example, “I feel frustrated when I don’t receive the information I need to do my job effectively” is more effective than “You never give me the information I need.” Once you have made your statement, make an effort to understand your employee's perspective and try to see the situation from their point of view. Ask questions and listen actively to what they have to say. The goal of the conversation should be to find a resolution that works for both of you. Rather than trying to win the argument, focus on the data points that conform to existing company policy. Then consider whether that policy should be re-examined based on what was shared in the conversation.
5. Learn to disengage: When conversations take a negative turn, your most effective tool is brevity. If you feel the discussion getting heated, allow the employee to finish his thought without interruption. Take a deep breath and hold the silence for 3-5 seconds. Then, very calmly say, "I see."
That's it. And that's more than enough.
Thank your colleague for their time, and let them know that you will follow up with them within one business day. Excusing yourself from the conversation in this way allows you to de-escalate the situation, retain your poise and professionalism, and create an atmosphere that allows tensions to diminish. Do not permit yourself to engage in verbal confrontations. They are inelegant, unnecessary, and largely unproductive.
6. Follow up: After the conversation, take some time to reflect on what was discussed and consider any next steps that need to be taken. If necessary, follow up with your colleague via email to ensure that the issues were resolved and that you are both on the same page.
Effective communication with co-workers is crucial for building positive relationships and creating a harmonious work environment. By following these tips, you can approach difficult conversations in a way that is productive and helps to preserve your peace and executive presence.
As always, reach out anytime if you or your organization could benefit from Two Cups of Tea in the areas of career coaching or workforce development consulting. Allow us to design a development strategy that works for you.
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